I wish to correct and clarify myself on the issue I raised in this column 2 weeks ago regarding the controversial issue of gay marriage. Much like the guy in the Progressive Insurance commercial looking to get in on the company’s discounts, I allowed myself to get carried away in my zeal to defend the institution of marriage from attack by an organization that promotes cheating on one’s spouse.  I did not mean to upset or mislead anyone, and I should have given it much more thought. I reacted emotionally and wrote some things I should never have written. I did anticipate some kind of reaction, but to my great surprise have received very little. In fact, I have heard from only 4 parties to date: 2 supportive; a married couple who came in to share their concerns; and the biggy, someone who anonymously sent a copy of the bulletin to Bishop Galante. Needless to say, I was summoned to Camden to meet with the Bishop and Fr. Terry Odien, the Vicar for Clergy. Among many things, I was reminded that as a pastor it is my duty to teach only what the Church teaches, which I have always strived to do. I am not to express any personal opinion which can mislead the faithful. As Fr. Odien put it so succinctly, who should care what I think about something? This column, the pulpit, our website, etc. are no places for me to vent personal opinions, so for that I sincerely apologize.   

My intention was to defend marriage by bringing up the example of those who clamor for it but are denied it; that all people should so strongly desire marriage (unless called to celibacy) and do everything in our power to protect it from the attacks of those who would destroy it.  Bishop patiently reminded me of the Church’s historical view of marriage as based in the natural law; that to extend marriage to people of the same sex would be to amend what cannot be amended without changing the very nature of marriage, even in the civil state. (For the record, I was speaking of gay marriage solely in the civil state; I have never advocated or argued for gay marriage within the Church.)  I am truly sorry for overstepping my bounds; for misunderstanding the Church’s teaching based on the natural law; and for upsetting any of you, my dear fellow parishioners.

As I said in my very first homily at Assumption, Easter Sunday, March 31, 2002, “I will make mistakes.” I’m pretty sure I repeated that when I became Administrator of St. Nick‘s.  But if I err, when I err, I hope it will always be on the side of compassion; and when it comes to people, especially those who are marginalized, rejected, even despised, I will always have great compassion. I learned this from the Master Himself, from His Word and from my relationship with Him, and from the example of many, many saints. 

One positive thing I hope I can draw from this is that the overwhelming non-reaction by almost all of you says that you get me. Even when you disagree with me, even when you think I’m wrong, you understand what drives me. If that is the case, then I am extremely grateful. But if/when I do something wrong, which is bound to happen, I am not perfect, I hope you will have the courage, respect and love to come to me first. If you are not satisfied, then go the Bishop. That’s how Our Lord taught us to deal with our disagreements (Mt. 18:15-17) and isn’t that the least we all should do?

Did you happen to catch the article in last week’s Press of Atlantic City concerning the billboard on the Black Horse Pike advertising cheating on one’s spouse? Just when you think modern society can’t stoop any lower, this kind of trash is thrown in our faces! To say that I am outraged would be the understatement of the year. I hope you are, too.  I actually saw the billboard a few weeks ago, but I thought it was some kind of joke or gimmick, so didn’t take it seriously. I thank the Press for setting me straight about it.  Do I really need to express how wrong this whole “business” is? Do I need to recount the assault of marriage in this day and age where literally anything goes? Isn’t there enough heartache in people’s lives? Aren’t there enough broken families that we need something like this? 

For a long time I have kept silent on the issue of gay marriage because it is such a thorny issue. Yet, in this sense, I see the gay community as a harbinger of where people’s hearts should lie when it comes to marriage. We should be demanding its defense not from those who seek it, but from those like the sponsors of this billboard who seek to destroy it. If gay people want to be married, I say good for them despite the Church hierarchy’s objection.  The teaching magisterium of the church claims that allowing gays to marry would destroy this sacred institution.  What it doesn’t tell us is how this would occur. And that’s why I haven’t been able to talk about it…until now. I simply cannot understand how people wanting to marry would destroy the very thing they seek! How does the marriage of people of the same sex in any way affect the marriages of people of the opposite sex?

Here’s the amazing thing: despite all the forces of a permissive society gone way overboard; despite the availability of pornography, prostitution, and other vices; despite those who reject the very concept of marriage who can be very persuasive, people overwhelmingly desire marriage to one other person. That gay people desire this says to me that marriage is a truly universal value and a common human need, desire and therefore, dare I say it, right. Though constantly threatened, bombarded by forces that I can only call evil, gays seeking to be married should tell us that marriage is winning this aspect of the so-called “cultural war!”

Perhaps I feel so strongly about this because marriage is the one blessing of life that is denied to me. Don’t feel sorry for me, please! I knew what I was getting into when I got ordained, and for the most part I’m ok with it. But to see something so good, so precious, and then see how others like this organization with its despicable ad are degrading it to the point of encouraging people to cheat on their spouses just makes my blood boil. Marriage is recognized as a Sacrament for a reason. It is God’s sign to the world of His unbreakable bond with all humanity, each and every blessed and sinful one of us. It is one of the oldest and strongest foundations of civilization itself. As such it should be regarded as something sacred and beautiful.

Let’s at least recognize that it IS an institution under attack not by people who happen to be born different than the majority, but by those who have made a conscious decision to put greed and lust at the top of their sick agenda.